Agistment Types!

From the November 2014 issue of The Stable Magazine – www.thestablemagazine.com/november2014

No... not the many differences in agistment properties, we're speaking of the horse owner personality types at any given agistment farm, or possibly adult riding club. The people you come to know being a fellow agistee, their many and varied annoying traits, idiosyncracies, and questionable horse handling methods. Ah! The fun of involving yourself in agistment politics... 

The horse community is an odd world made up of all kinds of horse owners. It’s known that every agistment property is a second home to at least three of the following agistment ‘types’.

The Neurotic Horse Owner
Always frantically making calls to the vet, the Neurotic Horse Owner freaks out at the sight of blood. Lumps and bumps on the horse’s legs are surely fractures, and if Tommy has a temperature, it’s sure to be some little-heard-of exotic horse disease; of course, the first documented case in Australia. Admittedly, The Neurotic Horse Owner has had quite bad luck with horse health problems in the past, but is definitely over-paranoid about paddock accidents, and would literally wrap her horses in bubble wrap if she could!

Notable Quote: “Tommy is lame/has a temperature/hurt himself/is at the vet/is going to the vet/just came home from the vet/has colic/is on the verge of coming down with something/has a respiratory problem...”

Miss Know It All
The one on the property who will nit-pick everything you do - it’s not her business, but that doesn’t stop Miss Know It All’s ‘helpful’ advice. Usually, she doesn’t actually know the full story, but has no problem condemning you (or other agistees) for your apparent lack of horse knowledge. Of course, she knows better. In fact, you shouldn’t listen to the advice of your qualified equine veterinarian. She knows better - just ask her!

Notable Quote: “In my opinion...”

Cowboy Chick
The one who likes to drink Bundy with the boys, has fired a shotgun in her lifetime, and while being a ‘tough chick’ - is not always the popular agistee on the property. She may or may not still believe in the old tie down method of breaking horses, but she is not likely to bat an eyelid over the little things. Rarely stressed, Cowboy Chick firmly has the ‘she’ll be right’ attitude, and worries little what other people think of her.

Notable Quote: “That’s nothing to worry about mate.”

The Old Timer
The horse owner who has ‘been there, jumped that’, The Old Timer’s opinions are often overlooked by the younger generation, but she treats her horses (who are all mid 30’s and healthy as a horse, so to speak!) with the upmost respect. The Old Timer doesn’t give advice unless she is asked, but always knows the solution to every problem.

Notable Quote: “A pat and a kind word go a long way with horses.”

The Learner
The bumbling beginner, often with the naughty horse. The Learner could be fourteen or forty - but where the Learner and her horse are, the whirlwind of destruction and drama follow! Often receiving conflicting advice from Miss Know It All, Cowboy Chick and The Neurotic Horse Owner, The Learner often doesn’t know which way is up, or which advice to follow!

Notable Quote: “Henry! Bad horse! Don’t do that!”

Quiet Achiever
The agistee who keeps to herself most of the time, takes her horse out on a few rides a week, competes at the odd show and always seems to do very well. She loves her horse and doesn’t own him for his fancy bloodlines or pedigree. The Quiet Achiever never brags, treats her horses with respect, and in turn, has a way with problem horses on the property too.

Notable Quote: “First place? Yeah. But my horse did all the hard work. I’m really proud of him.”

The Serious Showie
The Serious Showie’s horses never have a tail hair out of place. They are most often stabled full time, wear three rugs in summer, are washed three times a week - and god forbid if there are manure stains on their socks! The Serious Showie has all the latest gear, and she herself is a bit of a clothes horse. Her horses are all purebred, from multi-champion stock, the dam of her youngest show horse won the most prestigious class in her age group at the National Show.

Notable Quote: ‘Oh? Your horses aren’t purebred? That’s a shame.’

The Determined Eventer
The Determined Eventer doesn’t have time for anything other than the four horses she has in work. Between juggling studies, a suffering social life, budget constraints and competitions on every weekend, The Determined Eventer still manages to bring home the blue ribbons. She keeps her gear in order, her horses look fantastic. The Determined Eventer has real horse sense and a passion for her animals. She’s gritty and motivated, not afraid to get her hands dirty.

Notable Quote: “Sorry! No time. I have to get these horses ridden, groomed, fed and put away, and there’s only an hour of daylight left! I’ll be back at 5am though, if you want to catch up then?”

The Trail Rider
That agistee who packs her saddle bags and is off for the day - out exploring the surrounding tracks and trails. Her sturdy mount has surely never seen the interior of a stable, and that’s just how they prefer life. The showies may scoff, but the Trail Rider and her horse usually have a wonderful, carefree relationship. The Trail Rider may be a little rough around the edges, but loves her horse - he’s her best mate.

Notable Quote: [sound of hoofbeats off in the distance]

The Natural Horsemanship Devotee
The one who never rides, who has what was once the ‘problem horse’, The Natural Horsemanship owner struggles to achieve anything without the assistance of her ‘carrot stick’ (a.k.a orange coloured dressage whip) and seems to lack a whole lot of natural horse sense, although is able to quote her Horsemanship idols, detailing their methods.

Notable Quote: “According to (insert latest horsemanship hero here), I’m the herd leader.”

Miss Meddlesome
When social dramas are the highlight of your day, you’re probably a Miss Meddlesome type. She has to know all of the goings on around the property, and is always willing to share her gossip. The more sensational, the jucier! Pity that often, there is little or no truth to the gossip she spreads. Dishing out on the way other agistees neglect their horses is Miss Meddlesome’s bread and butter.

Notable Quote: ‘Did you SEE the size of that wound on Frosty’s fetlock? I don’t know WHY she isn’t getting immediate veterinary attention!’ (In reality, probably a scratch that didn’t break the skin.)

Thank you to The Stable Magazine for this article, which was originally published in their November 2014 issue. Check out The Stable Magazine online now for FREE. Read this article and many more at www.thestablemagazine.com