Top 10 Activities for Bored Horses!

From the May 2014 issue of The Stable Magazine – www.thestablemagazine.com/may2014

Dually the Quarter Horse has decided these tips are excellent! He was bored with his combo rug and wanted to try the new bib look. Thank you to Nicky Foster for this photo of her trend setter gelding.

One cheeky Thoroughbred gelding, who has a knack for keeping himself entertained, shares his tips for how your horses and ponies can keep themselves busy... 

Horse or Pony makeover!

Now, this activity is best left for the night before that big show or competition. It’s good to keep your human on her toes - and really, you’re actually doing her a favour - by making yourself look as pretty as possible for your big day! Playing dress up can be as simple as a mud makeover - why not greet your owner on show day morning with carefully placed mud makeup? A little eye shadow here, a little mud leg highlighter there, and of course - a beautiful mud slicked mane and tail. If you’re feeling really adventurous, you could go for a whole new look! Why not try ‘mud pinto’ or ‘mud appaloosa’, and enter the coloured horse classes? Don’t forget to accessorise, with floral fascinators in your forelock.

Human improvement

If your human is like mine, she constantly drags you to clinics and lessons all to improve her riding style. Why not save her some money, and DIY? Improving your human’s balance and reaction time in the saddle is as easy as a few strategic swerves, or a well-timed buck. She’ll have better balance in no time! If your human is a little slow, you can exercise her by playing the ‘you can’t catch me’ game. Humans love it, and will usually bring out a bucket of feed into your paddock to reward you for such a fun morning’s exercise. You can also sharpen your human’s eye-sight by hiding in your 80 acre paddock. (Also good exercise for your human - she must keep looking until she finds you!)

Stay up with the latest fashion

Are you picked on by the more fashionable ponies in your paddock? Are you always stuck with last years’ prints and styles? Update your wardrobe in a pinch by picking a chilly night and rip your unfashionable, old rug to pieces (fashion comes at a price, you know!). Look for any opportunity - any possible snags that can rip your rug. If you’re clever enough to remove your rug, dump it in a mud pit after you’ve ripped it to indicate your utter distaste to your slow-minded human. Paddock mates can be a great help in this situation - ask them nicely if they’ll get you started. Small holes turn to large rips quite easily!

Mystery Lameness or Illness

A sure-fire way to ensure your human devotes all of her spare time to you! This also works well in conjunction with ‘shoe pulling’ - see below. When your human comes to catch you, let her know you’re feeling off colour, or fake a limp. Not only will you get out of your lesson, you’ll also be spoiled with tempting treats (she will have to make sure you still have an appetite!) and let your human fuss over you. This game also works really well if you don’t want to carry your human home from a ride. Mystery lameness means she’ll get off and lead you all the way home. It’s good exercise for her, too! Just be careful that you don’t take it too far, or you might encounter the evil medical human - although there are games you can play with him also, as we’ll explain later...

Shoe Pulling

An oldie but a goodie! Use your hind leg to remove your front shoe. This is best done the day after the farrier has given you a new set of shoes. If you can’t get it all the way off, a loose shoe that ‘clanks’ when you walk can be enough to get you out of being ridden.

Games to play with visitors!

The unspoken horse laws dictate that you must prove your human wrong as often as possible - and visits from the farrier or evil medical human are great opportunities. As soon as your owner makes a statement regarding your ‘usual’ behaviour, do the opposite. Choose days where other humans are visiting and take advantage of the fact that you have a captive audience. Humans love to play the ‘pulling back’ game - you break the baling twine, they re-tie it, you break it again, and so on. Farriers love to play ‘the circle game’ where you hop around in a circle on three legs while he tries to hold your hoof! It’s like a horse/human conga that visitors LOVE to play. The evil medical human likes to play games too - and you can keep him entertained by playing tag! He’s ‘it’, and you lose if he gets to tag you - so keeping him a metre or so away ensures that you’ll win the game! Your owner (or the human holding you) is ‘barley’ - jump on her and you’ll be safe.

How to Avoid an Arena

Every horse or pony knows that arenas are boring. I mean, who wants to ride around in circles for an hour? Certainly not me! Express your boredom and give your human the hint with some fun arena games! My personal favourite is showing my rider the true meaning of riding on the track - if her leg is bumping the fence each time she rises to the trot, I’ve nailed it! You can also try talking to that strange looking horse in the arena mirror - or, if it pulls faces at you - run the other way! You can also pre-empt an arena ride and play other fun games including the ‘tail swat to the face’ when your hooves are picked out, the human ‘hoof stomp’, and my personal favourite ‘squash the human’. If there are puddles in the arena or on the way to it, don’t get your feet wet! Mud and water are undesirable footing, and as such, should be avoided at all costs.

Beginner's Luck

This game can be enjoyed by horses of all skill levels. Anytime your human brings a friend (preferably a beginner rider or one who doesn’t seem to know much about being in the saddle) treat this person like he or she is very precious cargo. Listen to and obey every aid, no matter how badly applied, tolerate heavy-handedness, and go at a snails pace (even ignoring that scary horse in the arena mirror we spoke of earlier!) and make sure beginner human has an excellent ride. Then, when yourhuman gets on, it’s time to have some fun! Become either dead to the leg or hypersensitive - and mix it up so she won’t know which you have chosen on that particular day. Then pretend that there are lions hiding out at ‘C’, and you simply refuse go anywhere near that end of the arena. If you’re a good showjumper, you can just pretend the arena boundary is an obstacle that you must clear - and make a swift exit.

Jumping Lessons

These can be as much fun for you as they are for your human. And you can even improve her two-point seat with some additional ‘invisible jumps’ (or airs above the ground, if your rider prefers le dressage. Also, all jumping poles are there to be jumped, even if they are just poles on the ground. For some reason, my human tries to slow me from a canter on the approach to these poles. Silly rider! How am I supposed to jump three of them in a line all together from a trot!? What’s even better is going to clinics - the rules for being ridden away from home as the same rules as a race day. The faster you go, the more you win! This goes for any excursion where you’re plaited and preened by your human. If you’re the fastest horse in the arena, you’ll be the best horse on show. If you’re waiting to enter the arena for your human’s dressage test, the bell is most definitely a warning alarm - your cue to go! - and you should get the hell outta there, quick smart!

Getting Fed - fast!

Everyone knows that simple-minded humans take FOREVER when they’re fetching dinner. I mean, how long does it take to portion out my oats each day? Not bloody long, I tell you! Keep them on track with some first class nagging. Neighing in your human’s face is a good hurry-up, as is pacing the fenceline. You can also paw at the fence until your human hurries the hell up - although getting your leg stuck between the fence railings will make her rush over, but might delay your dinner. Also, it is important to note that items other than feed do accompany your human out of the tack shed. She doesn’t always have feed. I was tricked just last week, when neighing at her to bring my dinner. To my horror I got a wormer instead. The indignity. At least I had the good manners to share it with her by wiping my muzzle all over the back of her jacket. This tactic also works well with other ‘undesirables’ including sunscreen and fly repellant. If I have to have some, the least I can do is share it with my human... That’s just the generous type of horse that I am!

Thank you to The Stable Magazine for this article, which was originally published in their May 2014 issue. Check out The Stable Magazine online now for FREE. Read this article and many more at www.thestablemagazine.com